How I FINALLY stuck with a hobby
WITHOUT consistency, habits and schedules (urgh!)
The Hobby Graveyard
Like many of my fellow ADHDers, hobbies have been a contentious subject for me.
I've lost count of the things I've started with wild enthusiasm, only to get bored and quit. The excitement and thrill of the initial novelty would wear off, and suddenly I couldn't get myself to do it anymore.
It's one of the things that contributed to my complete lack of self-trust for years, and something I see constantly with my clients.
The fatal flaw I see is this:
Starting a new project or hobby becomes nothing more than trying to prove to yourself that you can follow through on something. To finally be consistent.
But you keep trying it again and again, following the ‘right’ advice and STILL failing. The result? You end up denying yourself joy, opportunity, and experiences altogether because "why start something if I'm not going to finish it?"
This is something I've done a lot of work on myself, and now support my clients to reframe their beliefs about and find strategies that work for their ADHD brains.
Ironically (or serendipitously?), what I find is that when you remove expectation, and when you give space for joy and playfulness, you tend to be more "successful" in these hobbies anyway.
I Started Playing the Drums (and I’m still playing!!)
At the end of last year I started learning the drums, after realising it was my FAVOURITE THING IN THE WORLD THAT I WANTED TO DO FOREVER AND ETERNITY.
I trusted this feeling somewhat because I've gotten better over the years at distinguishing between initial novelty excitement versus intuitive knowledge of what I'd genuinely enjoy.
In the past, here's what I would have done:
Decided I wanted to play the drums
Made it into a huge deal (like it had to feed into a career plan or become a fixed part of my identity)
Saved loads of videos and created a rigid practice regime
Set concrete goals and created a detailed plan
Put immense pressure on myself to practice consistently
Then what inevitably would happen?
The very existence of the plan would make me feel trapped. I'd quickly feel like I was failing because I wasn't keeping up with the structure. "Why can't I just practice 10 minutes every day? It's only 10 minutes!"
Either I would naturally lose interest (in which case all of my efforts would feel like a waste) or the pressure would suck all joy out of it and I'd give up because I felt ashamed that I hadn't followed through. AGAIN.
I know you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
Enter: Coddiwompling
This time, I took the idea of coddiwompling into learning drums.
Coddiwompling means to move purposefully in a direction, with a destination not yet known.
I didn't give myself an end goal or something specific to achieve. I connected with what brought me joy such as types of music that excited me. I based getting started purely in my interest and excitement - two things that ADHD brains are extremely good at being motivated by.
Then I set myself up with what I needed: an accessible way to learn (a Drumeo subscription) so I could learn when I felt like it, not when a schedule dictated I should.
What happened?
It's been through this process of discovery and exploration that I've learned the most about drumming - about what I like, different techniques, what I'm good at, and my development areas. And it’s this that has KEPT me coming back again.
The Journey (Yes, It's Cliché, But It's True)
Coddiwompling is all about the journey. It's the adventure along the way and the things you discover. It's letting go of what it needs to look like and just being present in the moment of action.
Don't think about the future. Don't think about what it has to be. Just do something for now.
You can't overcome fear - fear of what people will think, fear of failing, all of those hypothetical fears in your head without DOING something. And it’s hard to start doing something when your crushed under the weight of a ‘plan’.
The Results (That I Wasn't Aiming For)
The irony? By removing the pressure, the expectations, and the rigid structure, I've stuck with drumming longer than I've stuck with any hobby before, and practised more than I’ve ever practised.
I practise not because I "should" but because I want to. I explore new techniques not because they're "next on the list" but because they intrigue me.
Some weeks I practise every day, sometimes twice a day. Some weeks I practise twice that week. No expectations. No pressure. Just purposeful exploration towards a destination unknown.
The Bigger Picture
This approach isn't just about hobbies. It's about careers, relationships, creative projects - anything where we tend to get caught up in the "should" and lose sight of the joy.
It's about trusting that if you follow what genuinely interests you, if you make space for play and exploration, you'll end up somewhere interesting - even if (especially if) you couldn't have planned the exact route.
This is what my "Create Without Fear" programme is built around. It's creating a space for recovering perfectionists to explore their creativity without the suffocating weight of expectations. To coddiwomple creatively, with purpose but without rigid attachment to outcomes.
So tell me - what might you coddiwomple towards? What joy are you denying yourself because you're worried you won't "do it right" or "stick with it"?
Maybe it's time to pick up the drumsticks (metaphorical or literal) and see where the rhythm takes you.
And if you want to coddiwomple creatively with others who get it, Create Without Fear starts September 17th. Join the waitlist for first dibs when enrollment opens September 1st https://rachelwalker.co/createwithoutfear
Rach x
For tips on reframing ‘failure’ when it comes to hobbies and creative projects. Check out this video…