Today we’re going on a little journey from the Virgin Mary to a metaphorical bake sale to explain why I’m struggling in my business…
I was a pretty timid and shy kid.
That may surprise you because I LIKE TO COMMUNICATE (in written form, and in person) IN CAPS LOCK.
It also might surprise you because my particular style of expression - both here and over on Youtube, is sharing my inner thoughts and feelings.
Vulnerability is kinda my thing.
It’s something that (with a lot of work and courage) I’ve grown really comfortable with.
But there’s something else that I am STILL wrestling in great discomfort about, and I know that if I don’t ‘fix’ it - I won’t be able to stay self-employed.
Let’s go back in time for a moment…
The Virgin Mary
It’s 1996, not 18 BC honest 🤣
When I was in primary school, I was chosen to play Mary in the Nativity - twice. Much to the dismay of other kids and parents. I’m not even sure I wanted to, but the teachers told my parents that I had this sweet, innocent vibe (not those exact words). Apparently they even referred to me by the name ‘Mary’ in the staffroom.
And I was quiet and sweet. But as I look back with the wisdom of adulthood, I think that was largely because I was constantly scared of doing something wrong and getting in trouble (thanks RSD for that one).
Teachers didn’t see the ‘hyperactive arsehole’ - direct quote from my Mum, in the most loving way 🤣 that I became when I got home. I imagine as a consequence of holding myself together like a sweet little innocent f*cking Mary all day.
The Wallflower Strategy
I made it through high school relatively unscathed. I always seemed to find friends on my wavelength and I love to learn.
I also made it through unscathed because ‘wallflower’ was my strategy. There was nothing particularly controversial about me - nothing overt to pick on, so I could blend very easily.
Whether it’s just the right of passage of being a teenager, or my particular school (which for all intents and purposes was a bit ‘rough’) - being unassuming and uncontroversial was an important survival strategy.
I didn’t start coming out of my shell (with people other than my friends) until Sixth Form (aged 17/18).
I felt like I didn’t need to hide how much of a nerd I was for the subjects I loved. Where the class sizes were smaller and most people cared to be there. I’d actually volunteer to speak out loud and contribute, something I’d avoided until then.
I remember a few people commenting, shocked, that I was actually ‘pretty cool’ which was a surprise to them. I felt a bit underestimated, but then how are they suppose to accurately ‘estimate’ me if I never truly showed myself?
How are they suppose to accurately ‘estimate’ me if I never truly showed myself?
It’s damaging my business
ANYWAY why am I telling you this.
I’m telling you because, like many of you I’m sure, much of my formative years were spent making myself as unnoticeable as possible.
No-one notices ➡️ no risk of judgement ➕ no possibility of expectation ➡️ no fear of failing to meet said expectation.
It’s something I have MASSIVELY overcome in adulthood and I am hugely proud of myself. But it still lingers and it’s damaging my business.
It's like I'm a kid at a school fayre hosting a bake sale.
Rachel from the past?
Wouldn't have even shown up to the bake sale
She would have made the cakes at home, wanted to show them off (because really in her heart and soul she’s a bit of a show-off 🤣) but then…
She’d be paralysed by the fear that people would think badly of her or no-one would buy any, and not bother going
Current Rachel?
She’s made some absolutely delicious and impressive cakes, and brought them to the fayre BUT…
She’s still sitting quietly behind the table with a tiny sign, hoping people will just notice how delicious they look and come over on their own.
She’s whispering 'Fresh cakes here!' once or twice. And then feeling confused and disappointed when she doesn’t sell many cakes, despite having made the best damn Victoria sponge you’ll find.
I’m holding myself back
Even now, as I sit here with 230 subscribers on Substack and over 9000 Youtube subscribers (something I never IMAGINED was possible for me), knowing I’m great at what I do, believing in myself more than ever and knowing what impact I can bring…
I am still, sitting behind my table, looking at people that are overtly validating they like my cakes and quietly whispering ‘well I guess you could come buy one from me if you so please if that’s okay.’
NO MORE!!!!
So, TIME TO STOP WHISPERING AND START SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS I GUESS, THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION.
And I mean it when I say there’s no other option for me.
I love what I do. I know it’s exactly the right place for me to be in, and I’ll be DAMNED if I let a legacy of needing to shrink myself ruin this for me.
That little girl who played Mary twice because she was so 'sweet and innocent'? She's still here, but now she's got something to say. And she's not waiting for divine intervention to make her voice heard.
So here are my fresh bakes. Come look at them. Sniff them. Sample one. And HECK why not buy one?
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