Is your butt on show?
The vulnerability of self trust
I was walking to the train station the other day wearing a skirt I don’t usually wear. As I embarked on my 25-minute walk, I felt myself growing more and more self conscious.
Why? Because I couldn't feel it.
Generally, if you're wearing trousers you know they're there. You feel them against your legs as you move. But this particular skirt was a light, knitted material and I couldn’t feel it against my legs.
What would normally be an enjoyable walk taking in my surroundings and getting lost in my imagination, turned into a journey fraught with constant checking.
Had it ridden up? No, it’s still there.
Had it disappeared somehow? No, it’s still there.
Was my butt completely on show? No, it wasn’t a minute ago and it still isn’t.
Confidence: The Garment You Can't Always Feel
As we have new experiences, push ourselves out of our comfort zones, and try new things, our confidence can feel a bit like the skirt I was wearing.
You can't tangibly feel it, and you can't see it yourself.
What does this look like in real life?
When you're about to give a presentation and you can't "feel" your expertise in that moment, even though you've prepared thoroughly
Starting a conversation with someone new, unsure if your social skills are "covering you" properly
Sharing your creative work, wondering if your talent is actually visible to others and feeling like you’ll be exposed as a ‘fraud’
At first, you might have to keep checking for reassurance—asking for feedback, looking for external validation, or mentally reviewing your past successes.
"Is my confidence showing? Am I covered? Or am I completely exposed?"
Trust the Invisible
But eventually, you’ll come to learn that your confidence IS there.
You’ll know because of all the times you've checked before, and all the experiences you've had up until now that are evidence of your success.
This means:
Trusting that the presentation will go well because you've done the work
Believing that your social skills are intact even when you feel awkward
Understanding that your creative talents don't disappear just because you can't feel them in the moment
When the Wind Blows
And if an unexpected gust of wind comes along - a difficult question, a rejection, a moment of doubt, it doesn’t mean that your metaphorical skirt has blown away completely.
Your skills, experience, and inner strength are still there. It might just need shaking back in place to readjust around you.
The Freedom of Trust
When I finally stopped checking my skirt every thirty seconds, my walk became more enjoyable. I noticed the morning sunshine, the rhythm of my steps, the world around me.
The same happens when we stop obsessively checking our confidence. We free up mental space to actually live, create, connect, and experience life fully.
So wear the metaphorical skirt. Even if you can't feel it. Even if you're not sure it's there. And trust that you're covered.
And if you want more advice about HOW to build self trust Ed Taylor and I discuss it in this video…
Rachel Walker | ADHD Career & Life Coach | 📽️ Youtube | Work with me 👯 1:1 Coaching | Quick Access ADHD Support | Group Programme | Workshops & Speaking