What's the ill fitting shoe of your life?
How 'if only' holds us back...
I was sat on the train yesterday listening to Mayonaise by The Smashing Pumpkins (OBSESSED since that final scene of the show Beef), when I looked down at my foot tapping along to the beat. My mind went on a merry moment of wandering…
“I love these shoes.” I thought. “It’s a shame they’re a bit too big. I needed a size 4.5 but settled for a 5. Hmm... actually they’re too big in length but too tight around my feet. A smaller size would crush me width ways… if only my feet were a different shape.”
If only my feet were a different shape.
I have many other shoes that fit the proportions of my feet nicely. Shoes that I don’t have to squeeze myself into. Shoes that don’t make my feet feel rubbed raw by the end of the day.
Yet somehow, when one particular pair of shoes doesn’t fit me, my reflexive response is that the unchangeable, anatomical structure of my feet must be the problem.
Ain’t that a metaphor for life with ADHD.
So what’s the ill fitting shoe of your life?
For me it’s been my work and career.
“If only I was more able to motivate myself to do things I don’t enjoy.”
“If only I was better at dealing with ambiguity.”
“If only I could stick with what makes sense - security, good pay, good benefits.”
“If only I could concentrate between the hours of 2 and 5pm.”
The problem
The issue with ‘if only’ is that it doesn’t make the metaphorical shoe fit any better.
It stop us from accepting what is true, and instead we continue to wear the same pair of ill fitting shoes until our feet are worn and full of blisters.
You are not the problem. The shoe is.
And by the way, if the only problem with the shoe is that it doesn’t make you happy, that’s also reason enough for you to not need to keep forcing your feet into it.
(Have I exhausted the metaphor yet? 😅)
How are you going to stop saying ‘if only’ and start accepting what does and doesn’t work for you?
In other news…
Live Q&A!
Next Thursday marks my one year ADHD diagnosis anniversary so I’ll be going LIVE on Youtube for a Q&A and to share an exciting announcement about my metaphorical shoes 🤪 To join, click here and select ‘notify me’.
Fri 22nd September - 9pm (UK time) - Hope to see you there!!
Til next time,
Rach
Had to read your post while listening to Mayonaise 😁 as I drifted away from what I was supposed to do for the umpteenth time... Have been wearing the wrong shoes for ages and only realised that recently. Thanks for sharing!
PS: now I want to read your other posts and continue to push aside my own duties... Oh help me God!