Think they're judging you? Stop playing detective

What The Traitors reveals about Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD

Late to the party on this one, but I recently had a week off to recover from surgery and decided to binge-watch The Traitors. And honestly? I'm shook. Not by the twists or the backstabbing or even Claudia's immaculate fringe, but by one glaring truth:

It’s 9.30pm and I should be finishing workshop slides but instead I’m editing this photo and I have zero regrets.

We humans are remarkably bad at making judgements on what other people’s behaviour reveals about them.

Of course, the show is designed to make it difficult and plant seeds of doubt and paranoia, but watching contestants interpret the most mundane behaviours as evidence of treachery was both hilarious and horrifying.

"She offered me a cup of tea? DEFINITELY SUSPICIOUS." "He didn't make eye contact? TRAITOR BEHAVIOR." "They're too quiet? TRAITOR. Too loud? ALSO TRAITOR."

Sound familiar?

The Roundtable of Delusion

It was amazing watching people at the roundtable discuss the "facts" of the situation with such conviction, when THERE WERE NO FACTS.

The "evidence" presented at these roundtables usually goes as follows:

1. A behaviour is observed

2. Each person interprets it through their own personal biases/ assumptions/ past traumas

3. It’s then filtered through an assessment of whether the person is overtly likeable or not

4. And served up as if they've just solved an Agatha Christie mystery

In reality? It's just vibes and guesswork dressed up as Sherlock Holmes-level deduction.

Me right now resisting the urge to buy a full Sherlock Holmes outfit just to insert a picture of it here.

The ADHD Rejection Detective Agency

This is where my brain made the connection to Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD.

Watching The Traitors was like watching the inside of an ADHD brain. Those of us with Rejection Sensitivity are constantly running our own internal roundtable discussions, analyzing every interaction for signs that we're not wanted.

And I realised…

The biggest reason not to care what others think, is that your guesses about what they're thinking are probably completely wrong.

Rejection Sensitivity leads you to collect "evidence" of judgement and criticism through a lens that's specifically calibrated to find it.

Ohhhh boy, was I wrong!

I can't tell you how many times I've been proven wrong about what I thought someone was thinking about me.

I once met a new acquaintance and was convinced they found me annoying and was just tolerating my presence. A year later, they told me they'd been intimidated by me because I seemed so confident and they were worried I found THEM boring.

The stories I had written in my head were based entirely on the fact that they were quieter than me. I automatically translated their different energy level into "she thinks I'm too much" when in reality, they were thinking "I’m not enough."

We're Looking for Traitors Where There Are None

In our daily lives, we're not hunting for traitors, but those of us with ADHD often behave as if we are. We're constantly scanning for threats, for rejection, for evidence that we don't belong.

(To learn more about ‘hypervigilance’ and how I’m getting over it - here’s my recent Youtube Video called ‘I’m ready to face rejection'.’

The truth? Most people aren't plotting against us. They're too busy worrying about what WE think of THEM.

So stop playing amateur detective with other people's thoughts.

When you catch yourself spiralling about what someone might be thinking about you, remind yourself that you're probably wrong.

Don’t trust your rejection radar.

Doubt your assumptions.

Don’t let insecurity parade as evidence.

The Final Roundtable

So here's my verdict: In the game of life, we're all terrible detectives when it comes to reading other people's minds. But unlike The Traitors, the stakes aren't £120,000.

The stakes are your peace of mind and self-confidence.

Don't vote yourself out based on evidence that doesn't exist.

And remember, just like in The Traitors, the person who seems most suspicious might just be the one who's most anxious about being misunderstood.

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In other news…

• I’m currently working on a group programme ‘Create Without Fear’ I’ll be launching in May - you’ll be hearing more about that very soon! I’m excited 😏

• Sadly, my main man Truman the Hamster has transcended into Hammie Heaven. He will be forever known as the best hamster that ever lived.

• I don’t know about you but SPRING IS STARTING TO DO IT’S THING. And I didn’t realise how Wintery I’d been. Ready to unleash! 💃🏻🕺🏻🪩